Today I have an Agenda

Sometimes the words you need have been written by someone else. And your job is simply to open up your heart to them and let them guide you. I experienced this today as I listened to someone read "Yesterday, I Cried," by Iyanla Vanzant.
Working in several predominately male professions where crying is more often associated with a weakness, I am toren by my need to be viewed as competent and strong, and my need to be true to my nature. I will admit it - I am a crier. It provides a release for me that is essential to my emotional health and strength. I am stronger because I cry.
Sometimes. But selling that to a society in which crying is associated with shame is a little more difficult. And more often than not I find myself cloistered in the bathroom with the rest of the women staff, dabbing my eyes with rough toliet paper, and trying to look like I haven't been crying.
So, until some great societal shift happens - for all you criers out there - grab a tissue and settle down for a good release - I give you this poem.

Yesterday, I Cried
Angel Without Wings
By Iyanla Vanzant

Yesterday, I cried.

I came home, went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed, kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra, and I had myself a good cry.

I'm telling you, I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.

I cried until my head was hurting so bad that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.

I want you to understand, I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried, For all the days that I was too busy, or too tired, or too mad to cry.

I cried for all the days, and all the ways, and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected, and disconnected my Self from myself, only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others did to me the same things I had already done to myself.

I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen; for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up; for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away, to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty, and battered and plain old used.

I cried because there really does come a time when the only thing left for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried. I cried because little boys get left by their daddies; and little girls get forgotten by their mommies; and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave; and mommies get left, so they get mad.

I cried because I had a little boy, and because I was a little girl, and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do, and because I wanted my daddy to be there for me so badly until I ached.

Yesterday, I cried. I cried because I hurt.

I cried because I was hurt.

I cried because hurt has no place to go except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place, and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.

I cried because it was too late.

I cried because it was time.

I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know that my soul knew everything I needed to know.

I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.

It felt so very, very bad.

In the midst of my crying, I felt my freedom coming, Because Yesterday, I cried with an agenda.