soldier journalists

Reading Ed Offley's "Pen & Sword: A Journalist's Guide to Covering the Military," and finding it a great resource. Also came across a quote by president of the Dominican Republic Leonel Fernandez in 2005 that fits the book's theme, "Journalists are guardian soldiers of human rights, public liberties and democracy." Ummm, food for thought as I switch hats again.

Anxiety Attack

Your body does funny things when it's stressed out. Or at least mine does. The last week, month, year - honestly take your pick - have not been without its tests. But recently, I've started to have these odd ticks - my heart races, my temperature rises, my ears are the color of steamed salmon. Most mornings, I get nauseous and dry heave, sometimes bringing up the acid bile that is slowly eating away at my insides. Each time I tell the universe I can't take anymore - something else seems to come down the pipeline to drench me in a new and even more unpleasant reality. It's like some sadistic game that I can't seem to win.
I've quickly moved through the 12 stages; angry; sadness. I bargain. I plead, but to no avail. I guess the universe wants to show me just how strong I am. And who am I to argue with the universe's plan.
To deal with it all, with everything, I've taken up running again. And it seems to be working. (I've lost 10 pounds since I've been here)
The heat on my face is from the 3.5 miles I ran this evening not from an anxiety attack. And my stomach aches because I am hungry. The exhaustion feels good. The exhaustion will cradle me as I sleep and dream of a moment when I will not want to cry or have to hide my tears.
The trail here on Ft. Meade is awesome. It's 3.5 miles of wooded bliss! The only down side is during the weekend you might have to dodge some errant golf balls but other than that it's beautiful. The leaves are gorgeous this time of year. Big, gigantic maple leaves (I think) the color of gold litter the ground and crunch beneath your feet as you run. I want to open my arms and take it all in and hold it close to me and believe life can be good.

Family, Loyalty and Love

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
We were born to make manifest the glory of G-d that is within us
And as we let our own light shine
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same

Marianne Williamson
A Return to Love

I'm sorry, my life is a little busy right now. I haven't had time to process the thoughts I have, much less process them enough to share them.
Currently, I'm at the Defense Information School at Fort Meade, Maryland. I'm taking an advanced course, the Digital Multimedia Course, which rocks.
The instructors are absolutely brilliant - all experts in their fields. I'm learning so much my brain is sizzling. (if you listen hard enough you can hear it). But I wanted a challege and I got what I asked for. Of course, I wanted the challenge months ago - now not so much, especially with all the changes going on in my life and the rather deteriorated support network that I'm currently experiencing.
But more on that another time.
The Digital Multimedia Course teaches us how to scan photos, color manage and mathmatically calculate prints. This is a photo of me, my mother (and her awesome Jew-fro), my dad (Michael Preston) and my brother, michael junior; circa 1977. (I scanned this photo this morning and it's color managed - beautiful huh?)
We've also learned how to color manage a digital camera and today we are working with Adobe Illustrator. It's awesome! I love technology. I'd like a little more intellectual conversation. I was in the Editor's Course this morning and they seemed to be having a conversation about race in America (I was salivating). I got all geeked out and tried to jump into the conversation but I think I ended up just looking like an idiot. O'well. Maybe I'll find the guy and ask him what he was trying to say this morning. (Anyone read Black, White and Jewish?)
In our room everyone geeks out on the computer (not a bad thing) but I kind of miss the human interaction.
Anyway, lunch is almost over. I have to head back to school. Will send more love your way soon.
Olivia