Your body does funny things when it's stressed out. Or at least mine does. The last week, month, year - honestly take your pick - have not been without its tests. But recently, I've started to have these odd ticks - my heart races, my temperature rises, my ears are the color of steamed salmon. Most mornings, I get nauseous and dry heave, sometimes bringing up the acid bile that is slowly eating away at my insides. Each time I tell the universe I can't take anymore - something else seems to come down the pipeline to drench me in a new and even more unpleasant reality. It's like some sadistic game that I can't seem to win.
I've quickly moved through the 12 stages; angry; sadness. I bargain. I plead, but to no avail. I guess the universe wants to show me just how strong I am. And who am I to argue with the universe's plan.
To deal with it all, with everything, I've taken up running again. And it seems to be working. (I've lost 10 pounds since I've been here)
The heat on my face is from the 3.5 miles I ran this evening not from an anxiety attack. And my stomach aches because I am hungry. The exhaustion feels good. The exhaustion will cradle me as I sleep and dream of a moment when I will not want to cry or have to hide my tears.
The trail here on Ft. Meade is awesome. It's 3.5 miles of wooded bliss! The only down side is during the weekend you might have to dodge some errant golf balls but other than that it's beautiful. The leaves are gorgeous this time of year. Big, gigantic maple leaves (I think) the color of gold litter the ground and crunch beneath your feet as you run. I want to open my arms and take it all in and hold it close to me and believe life can be good.
1 comment:
That is a great trail! That is about all I miss of Fort Meade but there were some great people too now that I think about it. Running on the road/sidewalk just isn't the same back here in IL, and the chances of seeing someone else military working out is slim to none!
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